Friday, December 21, 2012

Dear Knox

Pin It To My Dear Sweet Boy,

Today you are going on your third day in the NICU. You will be in there until the day after Christmas when you finish your 7th day of antibiotics. We were so sad to find out we wouldn't have you home for Christmas, I struggled with the thought of having to go home while you remained a patient here at the hospital, I felt tortured that I would be leaving your side.

Through the power of prayer and with Gods grace I have come to the realization that this is the best situation for you and I know you are in good hands getting the care you need right now, but my arms still ache every second you are not in them.

You are so loved dear boy. Loved like you will only someday know when you have your own children.

I will go home tomorrow (Saturday) but I will be coming back to be with you as much as possible between Sunday and Wednesday when you get out.

You are so strong and so beautiful. It's as if you have always been a part of our family and it won't feel right until your home with us.

We love you sweet boy. You are surrounded by prayer and we are counting down the days until Wednesday the 26th.

Loving you,
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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

9 Hours

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It is 3:15 AM on December 18th, 2012. 
Our son will be born today. 

And I've been wide awake for over an hour. 

I laid in bed for the first hour trying to fall back asleep with no luck. I finally got up and decided to sit in the living room next to our beautifully lit Christmas tree (yes, the one I almost didn't put up this year) and enjoy my last moments of solitary silence, enjoy my last opportunity to pray alone and be with our great God. 
Life really is beautiful. 

The house is cleaned, deep cleaned and cleaned again. 
The laundry is done and folded. 
The sheets are washed. 
Last minute groceries and snacks for Sofia are purchased and put away in the kitchen. 
The carseat is installed. 
The bags are packed. 

I think we might just be ready for this little guy to finally make his debut. 
You know, everyone always tries to avoid having a baby in December, but it really is a magical time of year to bring a little one home. I can feel the memories already being formed, our first early morning cuddles as a family with only the light of the tree and the faintly rising sun. Coffee in our Christmas mugs. I'm excited for these moments that will all too soon be memories. 

Dear Sweet Knox, 

This pregnancy has not been easy for me. I know that in many ways I just soldiered through it. Your dad's work took him on the road and there were months when I only saw him a total of 4 days. It was just me, you and your Sis for a long time there. Each week for me was about getting from Saturday to Saturday so that I could curl up in your father's arms for a few hours before he had to turn around and leave again. This was so very hard for me because your daddy is my world. 

Dad is home now and I can't even explain how it feels to have my family together in one place. Sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices, you have to just listen to the Lord, close your eyes and push through. Sometimes you will have to make terrifying decisions. You will have to jump and worry about whether or not there is a net later. You will only see the dots connecting themselves when you look back. 

The Lord has loved and provided for this family in ways that I can't begin to explain, in ways I never imagined. He has carried us through. He truly has blessed us beyond belief. 

I am so excited to meet you. Your dad has been jumping up and down with excitement and joy all day as we've pulled together last minute preparations for you. Your sister has no idea what is about to happen, bless her heart, but I already know she is going to be so very in love with you. She has been practicing with her baby dolls, changing diapers, feeding and pushing the swing back and forth (probably a little too hard). 

We are already in love with you sweet boy and we can't wait to see your face and hold you tight. We can't wait to be a family with you. Your daddy and I love you and your sister so much. 

Love you always, 

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Thursday, December 13, 2012

4ish Days

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We have about 4 days until Knox's c-section date. 
We are going on our 4th week without work. 
We made a lot less this year than we did last year and Wes stopped getting work about a month earlier this year.... 
Our lives and livelihood are completely in God's hands and it is very very evident. 

Normally I would be overwhelmed with stress in this situation and I would react by going into hyperdrive: planning and analyzing, hypothesizing, formulating... finding solutions.... working, working, working. 

Instead, I am praying. Praying that the Lord will lead this family, lead my husband. Praying for His will, for His plan. 

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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Family Pictures 2012

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We finally got around to taking family pictures! We usually take them in November, but everything seems to be last minute right now with this pregnancy and to be honest, it doesn't really bother me. I'm actually proud of myself that I followed through and did them (I almost didn't, justifying it by telling myself that we will probably take pictures after Knox is born, but now I am so glad and know that I would have kicked myself in the butt for not doing it). I even got around to ordering our Christmas cards... which will hopefully arrive and get sent out before I go into labor.... hopefully. 

My brother usually takes our family pictures each year, but he has been so busy with work (PTL!) that he just hasn't had the time. Fortunately for us, he is not the only one we know that is artistic with a camera. My friend Melissa was so kind to take our pictures and WOW, she really pulled it off. I am very happy with how they turned out and I know I will be so glad that we captured these last moments as a family of three.


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Friday, December 7, 2012

Houses Made of Gingerbread

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Last year we made mugs for Christmas and since we really didn't need more Christmas mugs, we decided to make gingerbread houses instead this year! I think the last time I made a gingerbread house I was in grade school and it wasn't even a real gingerbread house.... it was a graham cracker house made from graham crackers glued to the outside of a school milk carton. Haha.

There were plenty of arguments about whose is the best, I personally think the 3rd is the best.

This might become a tradition for us! Now we don't know what to do with them so I think we might take them to the ranch and use them as target practice.... maybe that should be part of the tradition. Haha.

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Monday, December 3, 2012

37 Weeks

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Well, I'm full term!!!
Aaaaaaaannnnnd this pregnancy just came to a screeching halt.

I am completely done being pregnant. Done. Over it. Wanting to meet our boy.

I've been having contractions the last three days, they come on in the evenings and are very noticeable but not overwhelming. I drink water, move around etc. and they continue to come. Every night I go to bed thinking.... well, if they wake me up then I will know they mean business. Every morning I wake to my 7AM alarm (Sofia), having forgotten about the contractions all together.

So they must just be Braxton Hicks. 

I have been feeling a lot of pressure and much more exhaustion (similar to that 1st trimester debilitating exhaustion). I've also been getting hot flashes a couple of times a day and my pelvis literally feels broken. I've even begun to get a burning sensation in my pelvic area, like my muscles are ripping. I'm not sleeping well and I am having to go to the bathroom constantly. This boy is starting to hurt me when he moves, I think he is finally running out of room and I think my body is finally starting to protest to his inhabitance.

I'm not doing anything to encourage labor, I want to, but I don't have the energy to. He will come when the good Lord is done with him and if he doesn't come early then we will meet him on the 18th as planned. 

Wes has been home for 2 weeks now which has been absolutely amazing and such good timing for me (since I am starting to really have a hard time doing my normal daily mom/wife things). It is also very scary because we are now going on 2 weeks without a paycheck and starting to have to use some of our savings (which is expected with this job, but also really hurts). 

I've been working more, but I won't be able to do that much longer so please pray for Wes and our finances. I know the Lord will provide for us, He always does. The unknown is always scary, but we are doing our best to stay calm and trust God in this situation. 

Two more weeks (maybe sooner.....).



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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Christmas is Coming

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Well, it is that time of year! 
I decided a couple of months ago that I wasn't going to get carried away with the holidays this year. I knew I didn't have the energy and with Wes being away so much, decorating just seemed to have lost its luster. I've realized that a lot of the things I normally do, I do for Wes and when he is gone I just loose the urge to do them. I know I need to change this mind frame, especially since I have the most precious little baby girl that I could do them for instead, but I don't think I was really aware of this until recently. So I almost became the Grinch and it was completely by accident.

Fortunately, my husband put his big Georgia Boot-ed foot down and said no. He told me about five times how sad he was that I didn't decorate for Fall this year (Fall is my favorite, but like I said - the urge was lost). This sort of shocked me, I had always thought I was the only one that appreciated my holiday decor. It was so much fun to realize how much he really loves all of the hard work I put into making our home festive each year. 
There was no way I was getting away with not decorating for Christmas. I even tried to talk him into letting me get a fake tree this year... all kinds of crazy ideas sprung out of my pregnancy induced attempts at self preservation. All I could think about was the fact that Christmas will come a week after Knox is born (to the day) and there is no way I am going to be cleaning all of that up with a toddler and a brand new baby ALL WHILE recovering from major abdominal surgery.

So Wes laid it on the line - we were decorating for Christmas AND we were going to get a real tree and he would do all of the post-holiday cleaning. I was not going to deprive our daughter of her first real Christmas experience.
I love that man. I love even more how he calls me out on my foolishness and my horribly selfish attempt to unwittingly steal Sofia's first real Christmas. I wasn't looking at it that way, but now that the decorations are up and the tree is lit, the joy and wonder that I see on my little girls face makes me not even care about any of the other stuff. I can't believe I didn't think she would notice. I can't believe I almost stole her Christmas. Pregnancy makes you do and think crazy things. 
I fell in love with the ribbon garland my friend Brittany made for Knox's baby shower so much so that I re-purposed it for our tree. She had made it out of green, yellow and cream colored ribbons and I removed the yellow and replaced it with reds & golds. It isn't quite long enough for the tree but I just love it so much that I don't care! I plan on making another for our tree next year so it can wrap around twice. I love the idea of making it out of the fabric ribbon from our gifts so that it holds meaning and history for our family.
Sofia is in love with all of our Santa's, she just can't get enough of that jolly fat man!
 Another of Brittany's shower creations that I just had to re-purpose, especially since this will be such a special Christmas for our little family.
 Our front door (baby gate and all).
 Daddy and Sofia cuddling while Mommy decorates (Sofia just loves to look at all of the pictures that Wes takes on his phone).
All done and my feet still aren't swollen. With less than three weeks until I give birth it is hard to believe I haven't even started to swell! This sweet boy has been pretty easy on my body (except for the feeling that my pelvis is going to crack in half). Haha.

Well, Merry Christmas! We so look forward to this special Christmas with our children. It's hard to believe we are going to have two kiddos by Christmas day! 


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Monday, November 26, 2012

Sofia's First ER Trip

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We had our very first trip to the emergency room tonight.
Sofia had what they call "Nursemaid's Elbow," which is really a fancy name for a dislocated elbow. It has its very own name because it is SO darn common in Peds. From the sounds of it, toddler's come in with them all the time because their young joints are so loose and they are often lifted/swung by their arms causing a dislocation.

The funny part is that Wes has been home for over a week now and had to leave for work in Fresno this afternoon, so I guess the good Lord is testing my Mommy strength! I did manage to "speed walk" our 30 lb toddler and a diaper bag full of ER supplies (food, water, toys, diapers, blanket etc.) from the parking garage to the ER annex without going into labor. I don't think that is what Dr. Cole had in mind when he told me to take it easy, but what is a Mom gonna do? 

Our poor babe was in so much pain, she wouldn't move her arm (it just hung limp at her side) and if you tried to move it she would start screaming and crying in pain. Praise the Lord for the attending physician Dr. Canby, who was not only amazing with a hysterical little toddler, but so cheerful, thorough and fast!
He initially diagnosed it as Nursemaid's Elbow and tried to pop it back into place but it wouldn't quite go so he ordered x-rays to make sure there wasn't a break. Thankfully, Nate and Meg were there so Meg could take Sofia in for her x-ray (since I am 9 months pregnant and very happily avoiding radiation). We got the x-ray's back and fortunately there was no break so the good Doc used a little more force in his second attempt to pop it back in and well clickety-clack it went right in. The amazing thing was, once Sofia calmed down from the pain of having her elbow dislocated and popped back into place, she was instantly better. In fact, she jumped up and said "bye bye, night night." 
That girl wanted outta there! 
Thank you to Nate & Meg and my dear sweet friend Melissa who all dropped what they were doing and showed up at the ER knowing that I was alone and needed support. There are amazing people in this world that don't ask or offer, they just do because they know that you will just say no even though you really need to say yes. I am so grateful for you guys and for your persistence and love. 

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