It is so funny how many times things change when you are a parent.
You are always having to take inventory and re-evaluate.
I was recently faced with this revelation (again, and YES, somehow it comes as a revelation every single time). Your children change in some major way, either mentally or physically, as they are growing and maturing and you are suddenly aware that nothing is working anymore and its time to make changes.
For the longest time, being on the go was what was best for Sofia. She was bored easily in our little shoe box, with no back yard to play in and not much to do. So we pretty much stayed "on the go." I had evolved my work schedule from going in 2 days a week to taking appointments "here & there" because it seemed that Sofia did better with an hour or two of play time a day away from me, rather than two days of 4-5 hours of being away from me. We had a system and it worked exceptionally well.
Then things changed. She changed. Her brain grew. Her body grew. Her patience even grew. She became a new little person in a matter of a month. She is like a miniature kid now.
Suddenly our weeks seemed "too busy" and I noticed Sofia starting to act out. I was feeling overwhelmed and I knew that she was feeling overwhelmed and disoriented too. Wes and I sat on the phone for two hours last night tossing all of this around, how I felt, how she has been acting, how everything has sort of climaxed into two very difficult weeks with very little sleep and lots of stress.
My dear sweet husband is so patient and wise. He seems to always have the right words and advice for me.
So now we start over. We re-evaluate and reschedule and come up with a new game plan.... again. Because that is part of being a parent -- thinking on your toes, rolling with the punches, constantly adjusting because these little creatures of ours are constantly changing and growing and their needs are in constant evolution. What worked a month ago will not work this month. So you go back to the drawing board.
I also had the realization that I am just about 7 months pregnant and I am not going to have Sofia to myself much longer. Nor will she have us to herself much longer. Reality is kicking in. This is all about to change. I need to spend more time with her, I need to soak in every second that I get with her and love her up.
So we have decided that I will go back to working 2 days a week and that I have to cut back on my "on the run" time. I need to plan our weeks out more carefully.
I was visiting a good friend last week and Sofia was having a tough time (in the middle of a very tough week) and my friend told me how she has realized that sometimes her daughter just needs to be at home. Something clicked for me and I realized that maybe Sofia and I need to spend more time at home. There is a lot of stability in spending time at home and stability is something we all need. I've realized that I'm on the run more because we can't really have people over to our tiny place, so we go to our friends houses instead - so by default we are away from home a lot. Sofia and I are very social and we like to be around our friends, but I think balance is the key and we are embarking on finding a new equilibrium.
So, more little revelations. Grateful as always for little revelations. Grateful for my husband and my friends who all take such a large part in helping us to be better parents (whether they even realize it or not). Grateful for the girls that carry me through and for the words of wisdom that affect me even when the person doesn't realize they said something pivotal.