It is 3:15 AM on December 18th, 2012.
Our son will be born today.
And I've been wide awake for over an hour.
I laid in bed for the first hour trying to fall back asleep with no luck. I finally got up and decided to sit in the living room next to our beautifully lit Christmas tree (yes, the one I almost didn't put up this year) and enjoy my last moments of solitary silence, enjoy my last opportunity to pray alone and be with our great God.
Life really is beautiful.
The house is cleaned, deep cleaned and cleaned again.
The laundry is done and folded.
The sheets are washed.
Last minute groceries and snacks for Sofia are purchased and put away in the kitchen.
The carseat is installed.
The bags are packed.
I think we might just be ready for this little guy to finally make his debut.
You know, everyone always tries to avoid having a baby in December, but it really is a magical time of year to bring a little one home. I can feel the memories already being formed, our first early morning cuddles as a family with only the light of the tree and the faintly rising sun. Coffee in our Christmas mugs. I'm excited for these moments that will all too soon be memories.
Dear Sweet Knox,
This pregnancy has not been easy for me. I know that in many ways I just soldiered through it. Your dad's work took him on the road and there were months when I only saw him a total of 4 days. It was just me, you and your Sis for a long time there. Each week for me was about getting from Saturday to Saturday so that I could curl up in your father's arms for a few hours before he had to turn around and leave again. This was so very hard for me because your daddy is my world.
Dad is home now and I can't even explain how it feels to have my family together in one place. Sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices, you have to just listen to the Lord, close your eyes and push through. Sometimes you will have to make terrifying decisions. You will have to jump and worry about whether or not there is a net later. You will only see the dots connecting themselves when you look back.
The Lord has loved and provided for this family in ways that I can't begin to explain, in ways I never imagined. He has carried us through. He truly has blessed us beyond belief.
I am so excited to meet you. Your dad has been jumping up and down with excitement and joy all day as we've pulled together last minute preparations for you. Your sister has no idea what is about to happen, bless her heart, but I already know she is going to be so very in love with you. She has been practicing with her baby dolls, changing diapers, feeding and pushing the swing back and forth (probably a little too hard).
We are already in love with you sweet boy and we can't wait to see your face and hold you tight. We can't wait to be a family with you. Your daddy and I love you and your sister so much.
Love you always,