Friday, February 15, 2013


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It's been months and I almost don't know where to start.

Another unintentional hiatus, not for lack of trying though... I have about five unfinished blog entries sitting, waiting to be posted. I have 70 some images that I've tried to upload about 4 times now and failed every time, granted my laptop is two operating systems old and about to kick the bucket. I finally decided that I have to start somewhere. I'm a chronological person, I like things to happen in order, probably one of the reasons I love to study history. It really irritates me that I have to start out of order, but like I said, I have to start somewhere or I would probably never start and I know how much you all have missed me filling up your inboxes all of the time (wink wink).

Well, hold the phone people, we are officially a family of four! Our sweet Knox is three days away from being two months old and I am just barely starting to tread water. To give myself some credit, I had the rug ripped out from underneath me. The first month was so unexpectedly overwhelming that I have to argue that it just did not count. The second month was our first "normal, bring the new baby home and begin to adjust month."

Knox was born on December 18th, 2012 at 1PM via repeat Caesarian Section. I, like a fool, assumed it would be an easy operation, "in and out." I must have terrible luck when it comes to childbirth, or perhaps it's just that childbirth should never really be easy. I felt my entire operation, I was crying in pain, praying that I would pass out. The anesthesiologist kept trying to shove more of who knows what down my IV, but nothing worked. They should have knocked me out. Since then, I've spoken to my OB who informed me that I never should have felt any of that, that it was not normal and that if he had known he would have stopped the surgery and knocked me out. Thanks super young anesthesiologist man, were you too embarrassed to let my doctor know I was howling in pain behind that curtain? Sheesh. I got out of the OR thinking I would pass out at any moment, praying I would pass out. They had to load me up on morphine I was in so much pain. Evidence #1 in the case against having more children - I do not deliver well, 2 for 2.

The nurse brought Knox to me and immediately informed me that he was struggling to breathe. Oi. He laid so peacefully on my chest and made this beautiful sing song noise every time he took a breathe (which is actually a BAD thing and was what the nurses considered to be a "grunting" noise which evidenced his struggle to take in oxygen). They had high hopes for him and he was allowed to come to our room with us, we had him until about 1AM when he was admitted to the NICU because he had fluid in his lungs and was failing to pull through on his own. Evidence #2 - NICU stay, 2 for 2.

Knox spent a week in the NICU, he missed his first Christmas and was finally released the day after -- December 26th, 2012. I can't tell you the range of emotions I went through. There were times I locked myself in the bathroom hysterically crying, hoping Sofia couldn't hear me. I mourned every day that he wasn't in my arms. I made as many trips to the NICU as my body would allow, I pumped every feeding and provided him with so much breast milk the nurses ended up sending me home with left overs. Taking Knox home was the best feeling, like we had passed some unmentioned test, like we were free. Like we were out of the woods.... except that we weren't.

About three days after getting Knox home, Sofia came down with a fever. Her fever got up to 104 three days in a row. Before I knew it, Wes was sick too and we were rushing Sofia into the doctors office at 5PM, to find out that she had a bacterial infection in her lungs and would need antibiotics and her nebulizer. We went through about three days of the Albuterol crazies (think bi-polar toddler, hysterical incessant crying) before deciding to ween her off and praying that she would recover without it. We did everything to keep Sofia and Wes away from Knox and I, but we live in a shoebox condo and it was freezing outside. Knox and I got sick. At not even three weeks old, Knox had a horrible cough and congestion. We struggled to breast feed through coughing fits and my sleep deprivation hit an all time high between feeding Knox and my own coughing fits. I felt complete fear every minute of the day, all I could think about was my sweet baby getting admitted again. I felt like we were barely treading water, we were getting hit by one thing after the next, I thought it would never end..... And then it did.

So we entered into our second month and things began to get better. We made it through the woods and we began trying to figure out how to be a family of four.... Which was just as hard but in a different way. I forgot how much transition we had to go through when we had Sofia, before Knox was born I had things down to a science and I had completely forgotten the long road it took to get there. So now we embark on figuring this all out, how to love each other when we are being pulled thin by two squeaky wheels, how to parent two separate children, how to accommodate two separate schedules, how to maintain friendships when you are sleep deprived and how to keep this machine that is our family oiled and chugging along. So now this blog that is the story of our life will become the story of how we became a family of four.
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