Monday, December 30, 2013

Letter to my Children: Part 3

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....continued

Where were we?
We're towards the end of summer now and I think we were feeling finally settled (or some version of that) at our new home. We had decided to close our eyes and follow God's prompting by leaping into business ownership. Your father was awakening from his depression and talking a lot about God and God's plan. A lot was on the verge of changing.

We decided that your dad would quit his job at the end of August and would work for the Plum's all of September. He had already been training on weekends all summer, but this would be our first leap into the unknown. Dad would get paid less than half of what we were used to living on for the month, in fact it was just shy of covering our rent. We still had our normal living expenses, on top of medical bills and student loans to pay. So, it was a matter of trusting the Lord to provide for us. Fortunately, we are not strangers to surviving on a dime. So we began pinching penny's, shopping for vegetables at the swap meet and buying our groceries from the 99 Cent Store, we began making minimum payments on our medical bills and cutting back on driving to save on gas. We began saving in every way we could and you know what kids, money just sort of appeared. Not only were we able to reallocate funds by saving where we normally would have spent, but we were also blessed beyond words to receive help from the most unexpected and loving sources. God has a way of making things happen when they don't seem possible.

Sofia, this week, we have been memorizing Mathew 19:26. "With God, all things are possible." I'm sure that you have no idea of what this means right now (although you sure have a lot of fun shouting it out, you are so smart and so good at memorizing). Sweet children, it is true. With God, all things are really possible. If God has a plan for you and you listen, He WILL make it possible. It is beyond words and beyond my understanding.

Sofia, back in April we signed you up for preschool. Now it was the end of August and it was time for you to actually go. I almost backpedaled a couple of times. It was hard for me to see you go. This probably sounds silly, it was only three days a week and only three hours a day, but someday you will understand what I mean. It was a small taste of having to let a little bit of you go.

About a week before school was to start I decided to potty train you. Call me crazy. This was either really crazy or really smart, either way we did it and you did well. You had accidents here and there but here we are 4 months later and you are great at it! You go the whole night as well as naps. Potty training is a hard process. It's not easy, but we committed to it and I am so proud of how well you have done. There are lots of experiences in life that will make you feel like you are traveling rocky road and you should just give up or turn back, but I've found that most of the time you just need to stick it out. With children it seems like a lot of parenting is about consistency and commitment. You will second guess yourself a lot, but stay true. Most people give up right before they see the results of their hard work. A lot of time things get the hardest right at the very end. It often get's worse before it gets better.

You took to school like a moth to a flame. You love school and the teachers always have good things to say. They tell me how you sing loud and you listen well. You have made so many friends and you talk about them all of the time. You really have blossomed into a little person, with so many words it sometimes blows my mind. I'm just sure that you were just a sweet babe swaddled in my arms. Time goes fast once you have children, don't take any moment for granted.

I would realize later that these couple of months at the end of summer were the eye of the storm. 

October came fast and furious and before we knew it we owned a business. We were filled with excitement but our fear was in full force. We had nothing to cling to but God, He was in fact our only safety net at this point. I was completely and utterly overwhelmed. Here I was trying to be a mom to a toddler AND an infant, trying to run a business, take 20 + phone calls a day, take care of my hair clients, keep our house clean and on and on. The funny thing is these are all things that I am really good at separately, but add them together and they can become emotionally lethal. I began to learn a lot about my limitations and how truly real those limitations are. I began to have emotional breakdowns and everything was getting done only part of the way. By the end of October, I would have done anything for a break. We felt so blessed for God leading us to this business and in fact it was the perfect fit for us, we loved everything about it and Dad was in his element; but I was drowning and gasping for air. I kept thinking, I just need a break, I just need a break, I just need time to think and plan, I need a break.

And that is what God did. He hit the breaks.

Knox, you got sick and Mom and Dad had no idea the turn our life was about to take.

....to be continued. 


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